Food is now poisoning me!!

Well, food, it's been a good run. You and I have had our differences. I've indulged way to much with you in the past, and am paying for it now. I know I probably hurt your feelings when I told you we had to take a break. I just need some space. It's not you, it's me.

... that is no excuse to poison me.

__________
So today I'm in bed (same goes for the fiance) with a horribly sudden case of goof poisoning. I have a fever of 102.7 and I'm just plain exhausted from the illness that has ensued. I feel really awful for not getting around to blogging sooner - you readers are really important to me! I will hopefully be back tomorrow. For now, here's my Drop Dead Gorgeous by December info that should have gone up yesterday, week 2!! I'm pretty excited that I'm down a little weight :)

I am beautiful ... even with out any make-up on

Weekly Report 8/28

1.) Photograph - Took that first thing in the morning with out any make up. Something I need to remember ... our beauty is from within. 

2.) Challenge Start Weight : 273

     Current Weight : 271.8 (-1.2 total)

3.) My three main goals for the challenge: 
        1 - win the battle against negative self-talk. 
        2 - make exercise a daily ritual
        3 - view food as fuel for a healthy body. 

4.) Bragging Right: I did NOT completely crumble and give in to my "eat the whole house" default when a stranger called me a "fatty." Only used it as fuel to reach my goals sooner!

5.) Improvement: I want to keep my room and desk organized this week. It always improved my motivation to do more when I have a nice and clean home! :)

Quick Vent

I was going to take and post my "before" pictures tonight. I was going to go for a walk with my baby. I read up on all your comments, blogs, and shout-outs today and felt good. I felt totally ready to conquer my evening.

Then I got off work, and a biker almost took me out. He made sure to grumble "WATCH IT FATTY" I almost lost it right there, I was so sad. Then I came in the door and the finace started criticizing me for being tired all the time. (on his behalf, he wasn't really being mean, but I was already in a sour mood at this point)

Point being, I AM tired. I was going to try tonight to really make an effort and exercise. Now I'm just down in the dumps. I know I should take my own advice and be positive, but I just can't am choosing not to right now. I seriously almost drive directly to the store, to pick up a frozen pizza, and eating the entire thing. I'm proud enough to say that I just literally stopped myself by writing this blog.

That being said, I fully intend to mope about the house tonight doing nothing. It's stupid and silly, but hey ... it's an improvement on my past behaviors. Tomorrow's a new day, right?

Think Happy Thoughts

As many of you have probably already noticed, I am a huge believer in positive energy. That's not to say I can do it all the time ... it's really hard ... but I know that the more positive you put out, the more you get back. It's the law of attraction. Sometime when I'm not trying to scarf down a lunch I'll write a monster "here I am on my soap box" type of post. Today, I just want to share with you some ways you can spread the love. Seriously, it will make your life better!

• See my blog roll to the left? Click on those blogs. COMMENT on those blogs! We here in the blogging world crave positive feedback. Plus, the more you comment the more exposure you give yourself for others to see YOU. Win win! 
• Take time today to sit with yourself. Call it prayer, meditation, or simply "quiet time." Let your mind take a break. Even 5 minutes will help you breathe easier.
• DONATE to my new blog friend's, Suzanne, Run For The Cure to benefit breast cancer research. We can all spare $5 (morning cup of coffee!) to help such an amazing program. 
• Remember that we all struggle. Especially in this weight loss community. I always tell myself, "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." Live it. 
• Send an email, text, snail mail, or phone call in the direction of someone you've lost touch with. Just say hi. You never know when they might need it.
• Take part in Operation Beautiful... or at least check out the website. It is changing people's lives everywhere.

Go spread the love <3

Week One : Drop Dead Gorgeous by December!

Good morning, all! 
Today marks Week one, day one, of the challenge I mentioned last time. Here is the amazing creator, 1/2 of Jess, website as well as her DDGbD challenge!  For a small recap: Jess is putting on a self-empowering movement for ANYONE, male or female, to participate from today until December 19th. This is not a competition or a race with anyone but yourself. We send in a weekly report and a picture of ourselves with a positive message for self-empowerment. 


I can't tell you how much I need this right now. I love the fact that Jess specifically states that our message can't be weight related. Our goals can't be a number on a scale. This is truly about making yourself see how feeling gorgeous and thinking gorgeous makes you gorgeous. 

I AM a great mom!

Weekly Report 8/22 

• My photo this week means a lot to me. Sometimes ... okay, a lot of times ... it's easy to forget how hard I work at being a good mom. A huge reason I'm serious about losing weight this time around is for my daughter. I want to set a positive example for her about self love and health
• Starting Weight : 273.1
• My three goals for this challenge


• To WIN the battle against negative self-talk. This is something I struggle with daily, and I've had just about enough! I want to prove to myself that being overweight does NOT equal being pathetic
• To make exercise a daily ritual.
• To view food as fuel for a healthy body.


• Bragging Right : I have started this challenge! Usually I try to hide away from pushing myself, but not this time. I want to do this, and I NEED to do this. I'm proud that I'm putting myself out here not only on this challenge, but on my new blog. It's hard to share your struggles sometimes - but this community is the best :D 
• Improvement: My goal for this week is simple for some, but hard for me. I need to get up everyday when the alarm goes off. 5am, get out of bed. Move, blog, clean, swim, do something. No more snooze button!

So there you have it! I'm committed to making this challenge work for me! Are you in? I know a few of my good fitblog friends are joining me, and I can't wait to see their weekly pictures and progress with this program. Don't forget to check out their blogs, and share the love. Spabettie and ZenLizzie are two great gals that would love the support! 

Thank you to all you readers out there. It really makes me feel loved to know you're cheering me on, and I know you are, weather you comment or not! (But, as always, feel free to comment and tweet this post!)

Happy Sunday. Go out and soak up some sun if you got it. If not, jump in a puddle for me :)

(in other brief news, I'll be back to my "regular" blogging on Monday. But look forward to this segment every sunday. It will be titled 'Week # : Another Gorgeous Week' " I know, real clever, right? ha!)

Welcome to Slump-town, Population: me.

My last post's go-get-'em attitude worked for about A DAY, until I came home last night totally exhausted and craving ... you guessed it ... pizza. Props to me, I didn't order any. Which is A LOT harder for me than you might think. 


I seriously went back and forth about 10 times in my head before realizing it was too late to order and eat it before my fiance came home. Yes, I obsessively eat and hide it from him, or anyone for that matter. My friend Skinny Emmie mentioned eating fast-food in the car so by the time she got home it was gone. It made her feel like it didn't really happen if there was "no evidence" left behind. WOW can I relate to that! It's embarrassing, but true. It's been a long time since I've given in to the fast food monster (because that would require me to actually make an effort to leave the house) but food brought to my door? I wish I could somehow make all delivery service blocked from my apartment. 


Anyway, point of my rambling is this - I DID NOT GIVE IN. whoot! On the other hand, I didn't so anything last night. nothing. not even hand weights. didn't even bother to twitter. could have written a blog, but I brushed it off. I didn't even play with my daughter as much as I could have, which totally breaks my heart. I just felt down, and quite frankly, depressed. I'm so used to all my negative self-talk that I start to really honestly believe it. Sure, every now and then I kick my own ass and am super motivated for a day or two, but it never lasts. 

So during my not-so-healthy lunch break today, where I consumed a breaded chicken sandwich with cheese and mushrooms ... which was delicious, I'm not gonna lie, I got caught up on some of my blogs from my blog roll (to the left.) I stumbled upon "Half of Jess" whom I've never read before. I quickly found myself enthralled with her site. On one page she had THIS, her "Drop Dead Gorgeous by December" challenge. Suddenly, my heart raced a bit. Could this be what I need to get out of my slump and end 2010 with a bang?! I HOPE SO. 


I want all of you to join up with me! look over her ideas. This could be your jump start on the new year, too! Plus, you'll have me at your side cheering you on, not to mention all the other participants. I know I feel better when I know I'm not alone. Every Tuesday night, I feel a surge of energy from the fitblog chat, all because of the amazing support that us "losers" give each other!! I love that Jess is giving everyone that participates a Christmas card. How cute is that? 


So, I am officially starting the challenge. Come Sunday, I'll post all my info for the rules here. I love that she's having us take a picture with a positive phrase once a week. That sounds like something I might just keep up! 

What's your goal by the end of 2010?

Don't forget to comment, share, and retweet! 

"Note To Self" Tuesday

Hey there

I know sometimes you get worried that things are never going to work out.

The weight will never come off.

You'll never really find the "real" you.

But let me tell you something

You're right. The weight might never come off. But only if you don't try. You're blog may not be as cool as you want, (woah fitblog friends!) your posts may not be super awesome ALL THE TIME, your pants might not fit right, you stamina might be in the crapper, and you might still eat an entire pizza when things get rough.

But you are made to be magic. Everyday is another day to make it better. You are strong. You ARE beautiful. You have a great smile, legs that could kick down trees (whoot!) and a perfect ass. ;)

Now put on your game face and NEVER BACK DOWN. 

... and probably never make that face again.

Love,

Your InnerSkinny

Making the Time for ME

I had every intention of starting this blog today with a bad attitude. I’ve been feeling very frazzled lately, like there’s just never enough time to get everything done in a day. I’ve got a new job, the fiance is getting ready for school to start up again, and our 10 week old (wow, 10 weeks?) is in need of constant entertainment at all times. How am I expected to keep up with anything? I can’t tweet/post from work, I can’t join in on FitBlog chat because that’s baby’s “gremlin hour” as I like to call it. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Man, even I’m getting sick of writing it, let alone listening to it.

Then this morning, I was checking in with my fellow 6 Week Wonder Girls over on BTL and saw my friend Jen’s posting:

"I haven't had much time made the time to do any weight lifting"

Her intentional strike-out of "had the time" made me stop dead in my “woa is me” tracks. I say that phrase to myself every single day when complaining that I never exercise and am not losing like I want to. Do I really not have enough time? Or am I choosing not to make time? Roni also brought this topic up in her blog last night, and it seems to be an ongoing challenge for the majority of us “losers.” We can’t do everything all the time. True. What we can do is make ourselves a priority in our own lives.

For example : my usual routine after work is something like this: walk in the door from work, fiance walks out to work, get in “comfy clothes” and relax/fix dinner till baby wakes up (usually about an hour), feed baby while watching TV, play w/baby till 9, feed her, put her down, watch TV until fiance is home at 10, go to bed.
I never really realized how much bumming around I do until just now typing that out. Is it okay to relax? Sure! Could I just as easily been relaxing while writing a blog? Absolutely. Should I have been doing simple weight routines while watching TV? Probably.

I challenge you all to take another look at your wasted time everyday. Really write it out, you’ll be surprised! I know it seems like at times you don’t have the energy to do anything, let alone exercising. I'm the Queen of "I worked hard all day, don't I get a break?" But if we don’t put ourselves first, who will? No more excuses, friends. This is going to be a hard one for me to change, but I’m willing to do it for me. Are you?

Food for thought:

What little things can you do to optimize your time?

Do you have any tips for fellow “losers”?

Comment below!

Who Says So?

This morning I'm heading off to my new job. My first real job, actually. I've been a slave to sports bars, big-box retail establishments, insurance companies, coffee shops, copy shops, and the occasional plasma donation centers. No longer! I have a salary, (albeit small one) my own desk, benefits, and even a fancy-pants name badge. I know you're impressed.

So starting this job meant a few things that semi-terrified me:

1. I have to make new friends.
2. I have to buy new work clothes.
3. I have to eat in a public space, probably alone for a while.

.. and I have to do all of these things fat.

Sounds a bit crazy, right? But hear me out. I'm still very much a Fat Thinker (someone who thinks awful fat things about herself that aren't necessarily true) which is something I'm committed to changing. But for now ... let the crazy spew.

Making new friends has always been pretty easy, actually, for me because I overcompensate my "fatness" with funny. I know you know what I'm talking about. A lot of us chubby ladies seem to think we have something extra to prove. At least, that's definitely how I feel! I've got to be nice, funny, wonderful to be around. When people pass by my desk I want them to say "Oh, that's the new girl Emily. She's so super nice and fun to be around." not "Oh, that's the new girl .. she's pretty heavy, huh?"  Don't even get me started on work clothes. They never fit right. My butt's too small compared to my gut. Button-up work shirts are out of the question. Eating in a public space? I feel like all eyes are on my every move. People judge you if you eat too much or if you're not eating as much as they thought people of your size eat. This is all real, right? There's no way it's all in my head ... or is it?

This got me thinking about how often I've told myself I can't do something because I'm overweight. How stupid is that? Very. I know it's not something I can change overnight, but I certainly want to start trying! Who says I can't rock a new job at 269lbs? Who says I can't be an interesting person with out being a skinny minnie? Who says I can't be HAPPY? If I'm the only one really telling myself it's not possible ... well, pffft, forget that! I don't trust my instincts lately anyway. Just yesterday I watched a whole hour of Jersey Shore. (insert shudder)

Face it Emily, sometimes you can just be wrong.

Food for Thought:

What kind of "fat thoughts" do you think?

Have you made steps to stop this negative pattern?

Starting Over ... Again

My previous home!

"Sometimes our only way is jumping, I hope you're not afraid of heights."

Well, I've finally done it friends! I've made the big move from my former spot at Blog To Lose over to the world of blogspot. I have to admit, I'm a bit nervous. For those of you who may not know me yet, check out the My Story section, and even some of my back entries at Blog To Lose. Here's the gist of my life right now:


I'm a 26yr old new mom, engaged, starting her first REAL important job (on Monday!) and battling a 13 year battle of being obese. Okay, morbidly obese is probably more accurate. I'm 5ft6 and weigh an astonishing 269lbs. I'm not sure how life brought me here, all I know that being this way has been pretty much my entire life up until now. I've been known to polish off an entire large pizza in 15 minutes (ugh, can we say mindless eating?) and not think twice about spending ten dollars in drive-thru food. Do you even realize how much food ten dollars will buy you? 


To give myself a little credit, I have come a long way. I've made some big changes during my time at blogging at BTL. I went from never having touched an exercise machine with a ten-foot pole, to a gym junkie. While McDonald's and Taco Bell used to be an every day occurrence, nowadays I barely even look at those places.


I still have an incredibly  tough road ahead of me, and need all the support I can get! I just joined up on Twitter, and have found some amazing and inspirational fit friends already. I'm so excited to start this phase of my fit-blogging lifestyle! Let me know if I can support YOU too - and I'll add you to my ever growing Gmail Reader and Blogroll.


Here's to finding that skinny and healthy girl inside of me. She's waited a long 26yrs to come out!


~ Emily