Friday, October 8, 2010

Food + Me = A Bad Romance

What a week! Seriously. Did anyone else feel like they ran a mental marathon these past five days? I sure do. With all the drama from The Article and The Responses to the absolutely amazing results of Rosey Rebecca's "Bake and Make Sale." My cupcakes alone raised over $150!! How amazing is our Fitblog community?! I'm totally blown away by everyeone's commitment to each other as well as their own path. Totally.Blown.Away.

Things are looking up this week! I'm down a considerable amount of weight, thanks to my new diet plan (I swear to GOD I'll post about it this weekend. Getting lots of questions!) and I'm feeling ... well ... like the old me. The me that thought everything was possible.
Adam (my fiance) and I were chatting about my overall history of overeating. Mid-way through our talk I said "I've never really had a great relationship with food." To which he responded .. "so, for now you have to have a non-relationship?" This got me thinking. Food and I, well, we've had a rough road. It's been quite romantical at times and deadly in others. I just keep coming back to this bad romance.

*i apologize for said Lady Gaga reference. As my friend Danielle quite eloquently put it : "That chick is the McDonald's of the music world." ha!*

It's true, isn't it? Food, Mr F, is like a passionate lover we just don't want to give up. Sure, he makes us feel uneasy, we become unhealthy, he runs our lives and makes us believe we'll never find anything better than him. But, for any of us who has lusted after, made-out with, and perhaps wrestled around the bedroom with the bad boy we know that no amount of chapped thighs and bruised self-esteem can sway us. Because when it's good, it's guuuuuuuhd.

Let me illustrate this downward-spiraling relationship:

Phase One : Falling in Love
Mr F and you are casually seeing each other. Life is grand! Sure, you might consume a bit more of him than is necessary, but you're in love dammit! He makes you feel comfortable and at ease with all imperfections in your life.

For me : This is my entire childhood. While I wasn't a heavy over eater, food made me feel good about myself. My mother died when I was 12, and I was constantly looking for something to calm me. Something to center me and put me at ease. Pasta, pizza, burgers, anything that numbed me into the ever sought after food coma. I loved food. I lurrrrved it. Totally unaware that he was tricking me into .....

Phase 2 : Sex Me Up
Mr F is now MR F. You devour his every move. You want him all the time. Anywhere. Fast. Now. NOW DAMMIT. Several times in a row. You can't stop yourself. You crave him. He's starting you kind of make you sick, a little like a crack-addict. But who the hell cares?! He is ecstasy.

For me : I have spent from ages 16-25, sexing the crap out of MR F. Drive through orders with two meals, not just one. Two foot long sub sandwiches. An entire pizza in 10 minutes. 1 pound of pasta in a sitting. I loved loved loved my delicious life. . . . right? Although I was massively in love with food, I was never in love with me.

Then there's that moment. You know the one. Where you were sick of Mr F telling you how worthless you are. How you don't deserve to be healthy; to be loved by anyone else. But you're sick of being fat, being sad, being fun. You miss the old you, or in some cases - you miss the person you know you could be.

Phase 3 : The Break-Up
It's just not worth it anymore. You deserve something better than Mr F, and you know it. It's going to be a hard road. You might be lovers again someday, but in a much different setting. You will be in control. YOU will be the one to choose.

For me: Currently in break-up mode. I look at other people's food blogs and feel a twinge in my heart. They can love Mr F and be okay. Right now, I'm in recovery mode. I need to have a "non-relationship" view of him, and analyze my true need for him in my life. Take the parts of him I like and throw away the rest ;)

This doesn't mean that Mr F and I will never be together. I depend on him too much. He's too much a part of my life. This is about forming a healthy relationship and moving forward for the future me that I so desperately want to meet.

Let's just say for now, we're in couples consoling.

Much love,


  1. Congrats on the awesome amount your cupcakes raised! That's amazing, just like you!

    I'm certainly in the break up phase at the moment, but ever now and again he gets me back, just for a booty call ;-)

  2. *laughs my sizeable ass off*
    oooh Suzanne, how I love you! haha - booty call, aint that the truth!!
    Let's kick this sucker to the curb this year ;)

  3. This is an amazing post. I love that you've realized your history and want to change the future. I'm here with you for the fight!

  4. Thank you SO much!! I feel like some relationships can just kick the crap out of us. Food has definitely done that to ME.

    Glad to have another friend in the fight - I'm right there cheering you on, too! <3

  5. Great post! Interesting way to look at it...

    I wish I were in the break-up phase but I'm stuck somewhere in the "I know you're bad for me but I'm afraid I'll never find anyone else who makes me feel the way you do when you make me feel good" phase. I just have to remember that numb is not the same as good and I never feel good once Mr F is around - it's just the thought of him that makes me feel good...

  6. Just found your blog- love it! Cracking up over the Sex Me Up- it's so true!

  7. This is such a great and wonderfully written post, ma'am! Thank you so much for sharing this with us! This is so much of what I needed to hear. I've been struggling, with damn emotional eating for too long, it's time to breakup for gooood. Send Mr F packing! Rooting for you every step of the way!


  8. OMG! Great post! I love your analogy and so feel where you are coming from. How much weight did you lose and what is the weigh loss plan you are following? I'd love some tips... :) I look forward to your posts!

  9. That was an amazing post. Haha, love your blog.


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